Defeat or Victory?

I sinned today. I felt defeated

I felt defeated at the hands of Satan

I heard Satan’s screeching laughter celebrating my vulnerability

I heard Satan mocking the confidence I had in myself and my God

I heard Satan tapping his feet to the music of his joyous heart

I was disgusted in myself

I refused to look at my feeble body

I refused to look at my rebellious body

I was disgusted by the sin I had committed

The very sin that had enchanted my heart appeared rotten, appeared grotesque, appeared stenchy

I ached to return back to Allah’s loveliness. I was disgusted in myself

I was embarrassed by myself

I had no vigor in me to rise up from my place of misery and walk towards the court of Allah

I had no vigor in me to walk towards the court of Allah

In that midst of self-annihilation, an unknown source of light kindled a flame of hope in me

The flame showed me my steps in the gloom

The flame reminded me of my fondness for the Ahlulbayt

The flame brightened for me the path of Ahlulbayt that leads up to Allah

The flame reminded me of Fatima

I wrapped myself in the warmth of that flame

I wrapped myself in the hope that emanates from the face of Fatima

I brought myself to my prayer rug

I opened Hadeeth al-Kisa

I had no courage to converse with Allah but I knew that if the Ahlulbayt glance towards me with compassion, then Allah will gaze towards me with forbearance. Allah is more gentle than the Ahl ul Bayt. Allah is the source of all gentleness and grace. Allah adores those whom the Ahlulbayt befriend. Allah pardons those for whom the Ahlulbayt seek forgiveness. Allah guides those who seek guidance through the Ahlulbayt

I recited Hadeeth al-Kisa

I recited the name of Muhammad, Mercy for all Mankind

I recited the name of Hassan, the Master of the Youth of Paradise

I recited the name of Hussain, the Master of the Martyrs, the Key to Guidance, the Ark of Salvation

I recited the name of Ali, the Master of the Faithful

I recited the name of Ali, my Master

I recited the name of Fatima, my Lady

I recited the name of Fatima, my Hope

I recited the name of Fatima, my Salvation

I turned to Allah repentantly

I turned to Allah: O Allah there is none to safeguard me other than you

O Allah, you have turned my sin into worship

O Allah, how long will you allow for sins to overcome me, for temptations to weaken me

O Allah, saturate my life with the remembrance of you. Crowd it with your servants who submit to you so I may do the same

My aim is You. My want is You. Yet sometimes, I lose focus

Sometimes, I forget all that I have received from you: the peace of my heart, the firmness of my will, the contentment of my soul

You know the sincerity of my heart. You know the trials of my heart

You were the source of light that kindled in my heart today, in the midst of self- annihilation

You sent Muhammad to guide the sinful. The obedient were already victorious

Hurr became victorious by the fondness he had for Fatima

I adore Fatima. Save me through Fatima

Let my sin become my victory

_____________________________________________________

  1. Ahlulbayt means “Members of the household.” It refers to the close family members of Prophet Muhammad i.e. his daughter Fatima, his son-in-law Ali, his grandchildren Hassan and Hussein, and their progeny. Allah says in the Quran: “Say [O Muhammad] I do not ask you any reward except the love of [my] relatives [42:23].” Ahlulbayt are a source of guidance and a locus of love for us
  2. Fatima is the daughter of Prophet Muhammad for whom Prophet Muhammad has said: “Allah is pleased with whom Fatima is pleased and Allah is angered with whom Fatima is angered.” She is the joy of Prophet Muhammad’s heart and locus of adoration for us
  3. Hadeeth al-Kisa is the narration in which Prophet Muhammad gathers in the household of Fatima SA along with her husband Ali and children Hassan and Hussain. In that time, Allah SWT sends angel Gabriel with the verse of the Quran “Allah wishes to remove all impurity from you O Ahlulbayt and purify you with complete purification [33:33].” Recitation of this narration is a source of blessings for the reciter and a reminder of the elevated position Ahlulbayt have in the eyes of Allah
  4. Hassan is the grandson of Prophet Muhammad and the elder son of Fatima. As a child, he used to ride on the shoulder of the prophet. He will be the Master of all Youth in Paradise. He was poisoned to death
  5. Hussain is the grandson of Prophet Muhammad and the younger son of Fatima. His name is engraved on the throne of Allah in the phrase “Hussain is the key of Guidance and the Ark of Salvation.” He and his family were martyred in the desert of Karbala after three days of thirst and hunger.
  6.  Ali is the cousin, son-in-law and greatest supported of Prophet Muhammad. He was raised under the guardianship of Prophet Muhammad for whom Prophet Muhammad says “Ali and I are from the same tree and everyone else is from another tree.” He also says “I am the city of knowledge and Ali is its door.” He also says “Ali is to me like Aaron was to Moses except that there is no prophet after me.”
  7. Hurr was the flag-bearer of the army that stranded Imam Hussain in the desert of Karbala to be butchered hungry and thirsty. Yet, he recognized the greatness of Fatima in his heart. The night preceding the unjust battle, he crawled to the tent of Imam Hussain, asking if he could fight along his side, knowing that Imam Hussain and his 72 soldiers were destined for defeat against the army of 3,000. But he knew that Imam Hussain had raised his voice for justice for which was to pay with his life. He wanted to face Fatima on resurrection day with pride in himself. He was the first to be martyred from the supporters of Imam Hussain. Hurr in Arabic means “the Free One.” He was freed from restrictions of the world and saved by the honor he had for Fatima
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